


To Be Alone

by starsonthebrow



Category: The Mighty Boosh RPF
Genre: Blowjobs, F/M, M/M, Public Sex, Vaginal Fingering, a hint of angst, anon het, handjobs, party princess behavior, wistful noelian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:35:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29498925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsonthebrow/pseuds/starsonthebrow
Summary: Noel chases it, but he can never find it in anyone else.
Relationships: Julian Barratt/Noel Fielding, Noel Fielding/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	To Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This was a thing inspired by a little tidbit that floated around tumblr a while back. As always, after screaming with Kateyboosh about it this sort of happened. 
> 
> AKA Here's a fic with a lot of things I swore I'd never write about! (ahaha!) That's why it's been sitting in my docs for many months. After picking it up over & over and meddling and fiddling I think it's time to finally just let it out. 
> 
> (Lyrics & title by Hozier. As always, no harm intended and not true as far as I know.)

  
_Honey, when you kill the lights  
And kiss my eyes  
I feel like a person for a moment of my life_

_But you don't know what hell you put me through  
To have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you  
To feel your weight in arms I'd never use_

Noel thinks it’s rather mad, this new thing of actually being _paid_ to show up at parties. Hang out, be seen, spin a few records at the DJ booth. On particularly good nights he dances on bars or tables with adoring crowds cheering him on. None of it is a bother as long as he survives the night and stumbles out to have his picture taken in front of the marquee of whatever establishment he’s at. 

The event organizers pull out all the stops because Noel being here brings notoriety and armies of his fans. Drugs and drink? Supplied, no problem. You want girls? We’ll find you a handful to your exact specifications. Utterly mad. 

How does one cope when you’ve been handed the key to this life seemingly overnight? In Noel’s world, you don’t cope or think too much about it. You just go with it. 

The drinks and the drugs lower his inhibition and increase his ability to do all of this in the first place. He was never really the social butterfly until he fell into his place of one half of the comedic duo that embraces all the public persona and directs the heat away from his partner that hates it. 

The drinking started for fun but also to overcome the shyness that usually dictates his offstage personality. On the tours he joked he was taking one for the team with each hangover, but now he couldn’t tell you if he’s doing it for his career or just for himself. 

The alcohol smoothes it all over, the edges and dips of his usual quieter demeanor, filling him with a sort of bravado and charm he usually only feels on stage. Odd, needing nothing to perform in a spotlight for a crowd of 50,000, but needing a nip of vodka before you can step out to be social in a crowded pub.

It used to be different when The Boosh was life. Julian was always around and the other boys were always together and fun was never far away. It never really went away like the shift work it’s become now. After long days of trying to write a movie, Julian disappears off into domesticity and Noel has nowhere to disappear to but the pubs and nightclubs.

He doesn't go looking for hookups or one night stands though. Most of the time it just happens that he's chatting with someone and things just roll, seemingly without a lot of thinking. Thoughts get replaced by an explosive mixture of chemicals and attraction and a lack of good decisions that feels good in the moment but burns itself out too quickly.

He can’t just get his dick out and get off in the club without leaving an uncomfortable mess though, so sometimes he just enjoys a quick snog and getting the girls off instead; watching their faces twist and morph in pleasure around stifled moans and cries. Making them feel good bolsters him. There’s enjoyment in the desperation of how they cling to him, trying to touch him everywhere with frenzied hands. 

That’s how all this had started tonight at least. After a few rounds with a group of girls and being dragged to the dance floor he found himself kissing one, pulling her tight against him, hands roaming her body while she grinded against him. 

Before long they weren’t so much dancing as just snogging, all messy tongues and her hands wound into his hair. He smirked and pressed himself closer, holding her by the hips when she dropped her hands behind him to run them over his arse. He was only slightly aware of the raucous laughs of her girl friends surrounding them as if cheering them on. When the song ended he had pulled her by the hand off to the side into the VIP area as the girls whistled after them. 

There, everything had quickly turned feverish. His hands feeling at her tits and dipping under her shirt to run along the small of her back and up her spine. She had traced the angle of his jaw and let her hands drift under his shirt to dance along his flat stomach and up his chest while he grasped at her arse and pressed himself against her. 

Leaning into her ear he asked sweetly, "Can I touch you?" and without a word she had taken his hand and slid it under her short skirt. He gave her his most wicked grin as he pushed her panties aside to tease his fingers along her slit, finding her wet and ready. 

Now they are situated in the darkest corner, his body leaned against the wall at an angle, half to hold himself up and half to shield her from the others milling about. He’s not a complete tit, he thinks. He’ll protect her modesty as much as he can. But no doubt if the movement of his arm isn’t a give away this isn’t an innocent drunken snog then the small strangled moans that sometimes rise in between the beats of the music are. 

He’s not that worried though. People in VIP in exclusive clubs don’t talk about these things because they like being in VIP. When you gossip you get chucked. Noel has learned what he can get away with. 

She’s panting, laughing a little like she doesn’t believe what’s happening, angling her body and spreading her legs wider as he moves his fingers inside, teasing and stroking. When she opens her eyes slowly he leans down to prop his forehead against hers, giving her that charming smile that always gets him exactly what he wants. 

“You feel so fucking good. It's so sexy.” he says, sliding a finger out and back in slowly. She laughs again shyly, her hand holding onto his side as if she’s not sure how much touching she can get away with.

Trailing his lips down to her neck and kissing open mouthed at her feverish skin, he works his fingers a bit quicker inside her, then slowly circles his fingers along her clit and feels her shake against him. She bites her lip and he grins against her skin while his other hand works under her shirt, teasing a nipple through the thin lace of her bra.

He hears someone close by laugh a little too loud and quickly drops his hand out of her shirt and turns to survey. It’s a couple, leaning into each other, stumbling and giggling. One of them has just spilled some of their drink. They’re close but unaware of anything else around them. He keeps going with his heart racing a little faster. 

When she starts to hiss and moan a little louder, he covers her mouth with his own, sliding their tongues together while he fucks her with his fingers, now building a steady rhythm, in and out and pushing just enough pressure against her clit. 

“How many times you wanna come, love?” He smirks and she gasps against him with a laugh that dissolves into a moan.

The music swells around them with a song Noel doesn’t recognize but the crowd seems revived with it. The drinks are fully going to his head now and everything is so loud between the roar of the crowd and the music and his own heart full of adrenaline. It’s oppressively hot in the room and they’re both sweating now. He smells it mixed with the slight remnant of her perfume. 

He pulls back for just an instance to let them both breathe and looks her over quickly. He realizes she’s very pretty, this one; petite and delicate in her features, almost timid for what they’re doing. She wasn’t aggressive like some of the other girls tend to be, just wanted a little attention from him. She’d have just been happy to be chatted up for a bit, maybe a cheeky kiss. 

For a moment he almost feels bad, guilty, for leading her back here. He won’t be taking her home. They won’t wake together in the morning cuddled and ready for tea. He may not even be with her 20 minutes from now. This is the game he plays on these types of nights. He can give himself away in small amounts. He’ll go home and wake up with the girl who waits for him there. There’s blurry boundaries if you squint.

So he makes this girl feel good in this moment, moving his body against her, letting his dick press into her side while she moans into his mouth. She reaches between them tentatively and traces a finger along his dick bulging against his tight jeans. He chuckles when she makes a little noise of approval. 

Kissing a line to her ear he murmurs over the crowd, “I wish I could give you a taste here.” 

He aches for release, but it’s too risky and he’s not leaving for a hotel tonight. He can’t resist a little friction though to take the edge off so he pushes it against her again, moaning when she gives him a squeeze through the denim. 

She reaches for his zip and he stops her gently, takes her hand and kisses it and pulls it around his neck. He leans down to her ear and breathes out a loud whisper above the noise, “Let me take care of you, yeah?” She seems satisfied when he kisses her again deeply and brushes her clit, sliding his fingers to work with a purpose now, moving quickly in and out like he wishes he was doing with his dick. 

His lips drag over her ear and he thrusts his fingers in deeper as he asks her, “Wanna feel me inside you like this?” It goes straight to his dick when she whines out a _God, yes._

Her arm tightens to cling around his neck while she moves her hips in little circles, so tight and wet and hot around his fingers. He nips at her lips as she opens her mouth to breathe out a whimper when he flicks and rubs his thumb against her wet clit. 

She buries her head into his neck, mouthing at his skin, but mostly just rocking against him as he whispers filthy things over the din and brings her off. Soon he feels her still and then shudder as she squeezes around his fingers, letting out a small exhale of breath against his neck as she comes. 

He holds her against him as she comes down, petting at her hair and laughing as she shakes with giggles against him. He tries to talk his dick down in the few minutes it takes for her to recover and compose herself. She smiles when she finally shyly looks up at him. They share an almost tender kiss, unlike any of the ones previous. 

Noel takes her by the hand to start toward the bar, “Let’s get you another drink, yeah?” 

She nods and he’s already recognized a mate he can drift off with once she’s back with the rest of the girls.

 _What a night this has been_ she’ll tell her friends giggling in the cab on the way home. 

//

Noel doesn’t expect anything anymore when he throws an invite Julian’s way on the way out of their small office. They’ve spent the whole day writing and fussing and being too much in each other’s space. 

Noel still invites him even though it’s always met with the same response. Julian hasn’t been out in ages. They haven’t really hung out in ages. He quit inviting Noel over for dinner a while ago when he realized Noel doesn’t really operate on a normal person’s schedule anymore. 

On this particular evening though, Noel almost trips over his own feet when Julian sighs out a “Yeah, maybe I will.” as he shifts his backpack around on his shoulders. 

Noel turns back to clarify and Julian squints, “Maybe I’ll see you if I can get away.” 

That’s as good as any reply he’s gotten lately. He takes that with him as he readies for the night, arrives at the club and waits. 

Julian’s oversized form is easily found as he works through the crowd. He stops to talk to a group of people and his eyes flick to find Noel where he’s perched near the DJ booth. Noel raises his beer and shields his eyes as if trying to figure out who he’s seeing. He can feel Julian’s eye roll from across the room and he grins. Noel knows he is trying to get to the back of the room where he can be slightly less conspicuous. 

Some strangers drunkenly hoot, “Woo, The Mighty Boosh!” from across the way and Noel smiles. _That’s right_ , he thinks proudly. _We still are_. 

They eventually find themselves in VIP with some friends and acquaintances. Noel is docile and quiet by comparison tonight; demanding no attention but from the guy at his side, as it had been for so long before their world grew so immensely bigger around them and everything changed. 

He nurses his beer with a small smile he can’t hide as others group around them. Laughs swell around them as Julian tells them about being a dad to twins in a way that only Julian could make hilarious. The big man’s usual manner is surly and quiet and shy, but he can undeniably charm a crowd when he’s in the right mood. Sneaking away tonight seems like it was good for him. Noel watches him with a reverence that he hopes isn’t too obvious to everyone around them.

It’s been a while since they’ve been this way. Since Julian has been around catching Noel’s eye too long and giggling back and talking softly like they’re the only two people in the room. It reminds Noel when they aren’t consumed with work and being business partners they’re actually best friends, maybe something more they’ve never tried to name. 

It shifts so easily when they’re in neutral territory away from the pressure. They huddle in the corner while others drift in and out around them, sharing jokes with upturned eyebrows and loaded looks that no-one else can decipher. 

On his way for more beers, Noel gives in for a few photos with a couple of girls but politely dismisses them when they beg him to join them for a round of shots. 

Julian raises a brow at him when he plops back down beside him. “An off night tonight, Fielding?” Noel hands him a beer and runs his hand through his hair and grins. He meets Julian’s eyes with a pointed look and they hold that gaze just a tick longer than necessary. It says all that needs to be said. 

“I’m honored.” Julian says, grinning around his beer bottle as he takes a long swig. 

They’re a little too close together now at the small table they’ve claimed. Loosened by the beer and the attention in the room having finally shifted away from them. They giggle and relive some tour shenanigans as Noel leans back to stretch his body, throwing his arm around Julian’s back. Under the table Julian lets his hand fall to graze Noel’s thigh. 

Noel feels the familiar pull of it. The building of it all. Neither of them are trying to stop it. 

Noel turns in toward Julian to drop his nose against his shoulder to laugh and breathe him in. When he comes up his face is so close to Julian’s he can study the lines in his lips even in the low light. They hover for just a moment while the music plays around them and the crowd's voices ebb and flow. Noel breaks first, grabs at his beer and downs the dregs. Julian declares he needs a cigarette.

Outside, Julian chuckles and says, “I’ll let you have your own, you know.” when Noel reaches up to take the cigarette from his lips. 

Noel laughs, “Suppose it’s safer to share. Only halfway as deadly.” Julian’s watches his lips wrap around the fag for a deep drag. He clears his throat. Their fingers brush together when Noel passes it back and it feels more loaded than it should. 

Julian asks, “Do I get to pick which half goes first?” breathing out an exhale of smoke. 

“Oh no,” Noel grins, “It won’t be pretty; just a random assortment of parts of you left. We’ll have to just smoosh the pieces back together like play-doh.” 

Julian smiles at the sky as he takes the last draw of his smoke.

Noel stumbles a little in his heels as they turn to head back inside. Julian steadies him with a hand on the small of his back. Both of them are maybe a little more drunk than they had planned. It’s why they both just giggle as Noel pulls Julian through a curtain behind the VIP section into a tiny section of the club roped off for old equipment, broken tables and chairs. 

There’s just enough space for Noel to push Julian against the wall and press his body against him. 

Noel feels the hesitation as Julian lets out a breath, but his hand comes up to the dip of his back anyway, slides just under his shirt to touch his skin there and Noel feels like he’s going to come apart. 

One touch. He chases this and has never found it in anyone else. 

The both lean in together to meet for the first desperate, needy kiss. Noel welcomes Julian’s tongue against his own with a small whine, grasping at him, not sure where he wants to feel first. It is the product of a night of buildup, the release of not having this for months. Touches that refuel the smoldering leftovers from the last time, setting them ablaze again. 

Noel stretches to wind his fingers into Julian’s hair and sighs as Julian traces his cheeks and his jaw with his big hands. Julian breaks just enough to whisper, “We can’t. We can’t here.” His eyes dart toward the curtain. Noel sucks at his neck, dragging his lips across his skin back to his mouth. 

There is desperation in his voice when he pleads. 

“ _Please_ , Ju.” 

They kiss again, more heated, and Noel moves his body against Julian’s, pushing their hardening dicks together through their jeans. They both gasp into each other’s mouths. Julian’s hand falls to Noel’s arse, holding him there. There's no stopping now and they both know it.

Julian runs his hands over his face when Noel pulls away, then follows his eyes as he slowly drops down Julian’s body to his knees, running his hands along his thighs and nuzzling his face against the outline of his dick in his jeans. He smirks up at him, playing with the button of his fly. Julian groans out a soft _Christ, Noel_ and lets his head fall back against the wall. 

Noel expects this to be the end of it, the furthest he can push before his partner’s cautious reasoning wins out. His dick and heart jumps though when Julian reaches to tangle his hands into his hair and shifts his hips as if to say, _go on_. 

Noel’s fingers fumble but he has his fly undone quickly, pulling him out just enough to slide him smoothly into his mouth from tip nearly to the base. Julian hisses quietly and tightens his grip on him as he slides back up to tongue at his slit.

It’s suddenly become incredibly loud in the space on the other side of the curtain. It feels as if everybody in the club has spilled into the small VIP area. Raucous voices and footfall meld and carry into the music. Noel thinks he hears a voice say his name. He is so close he could probably reach out and touch the person on the other side of the thin curtain as he laps and sucks at the sensitive head of Julian’s dick. 

His own dick is painfully hard in his jeans and he presses against it with the heel of his hand, moaning low in his throat around his partner. Julian exhales and grips tighter. He’s got his eyes closed, face a picture of composed pleasure. He rarely loses his ability to keep his calm even during their wildest fumblings. It’s why the noises are that much better when Noel can urge them out of him.

Just as Noel talks constantly when they write together, he can’t control himself when they have sex either. Once early on, lying together in Julian’s big bed, he had lifted an eyebrow and told Noel he quite liked it. That little comment has encouraged Noel ever since. 

He wishes he could slurp and suck at him with the fervor he usually does. He enjoys making it extra loud and dirty so he can feel him tense as he tries not to lose control and thrust into his mouth.

He keeps quiet though, coaxing little movements and clutches and whatever he can out of the older man just by swirling his tongue and taking him as far as he can. 

The sound of shattering glass pulls them both out of the moment though and Julian’s eyes fly open. Noel hesitates for just a moment before sliding his mouth back to suck him as far as he can take him. Julian looks down at Noel, too taken with pleasure to do anything but lick his lips and grin and a thrill passes between both of them. 

Noel imagines someone peeking their head around, maybe looking for the toilets and seeing him here with his knees on the dirty club floor and his wet mouth wrapped around a dick. Not just anyone’s dick; Julian Barratt’s. His comedy partner. Noel thinks that’s probably too juicy to stay quiet under VIP etiquette. 

What would the blogs and papers say? It could all just be revealed that easily. 

Disappointment actually tugs at him when he feels the telltale signs of Julian getting close. He’s moving a little more, chest heaving, and running his hands through Noel’s hair, down to run over his face as he’s sucked down. Noel bobs his head quicker, hollows his cheeks and Julian watches him with hazy eyes. 

When he lets go and comes Noel can just hear his own name over the din of the room around them as he drinks him down. 

Noel feels manic when Julian pulls him up and unzips him in nearly one motion, pulling him out to wrap his hand around his leaking dick. They both look down and watch as Julian slides his hand slowly from base to tip and back with his first stroke. 

Julian drapes his big body around Noel’s much smaller one, shielding him. Leaning down to him to kiss him with his hand on his neck while he strokes him off. He moves his hand over Noel’s dick with just enough pressure, just how he knows he can bring him off quickly. Noel’s body arches off the wall as he moves his hips to thrust into his fist. 

Noel is just cognizant enough to realize the slide and squelch of what they’re doing is unmistakable and also getting quite loud. He glances toward the curtain, hoping the music doesn’t dip and no-one gets curious. 

Julian, surprisingly, doesn’t seem to notice or mind. In fact he seems lost, like he’s forgotten where they’re at, kissing at Noel’s face now while Noel pants and digs his fingers in his bicep and his back and anywhere he can reach. 

If someone came in would they just keep going? Noel wouldn’t mind, his hazy lust addled brain reasons. Let them tell everyone that The Boosh can still put on a show. They still have the undeniable magic. 

Noel’s skin is flushed, all heat and stubble when Julian runs his free hand over his cheek. He whines into Julian’s mouth a little too loudly as he swipes a thumb over the precum gathering at his slit. 

Still stroking him steadily, Julian rucks his shirt up, pinning it up as his fingers glide over Noel’s stomach, caressing up to his chest and back down, and Noel realizes he’s thinking ahead, trying to keep him tidy as he can. Noel feels a warm gentle tug of affection somewhere around his heart. Julian is always looking out for him. 

He’s close, he mouths against Julian’s lips. When Julian speeds his hand and grins and bites at his lip Noel feels the muscles in his stomach tighten. With legs shaking, white heat gathers in his groin. 

All Julian has to say is his name softly against his lips and then he is spilling over his hand with a deep gasp and a whispered _Julian_. He leans against him with his head buried into the older man’s shoulder, clinging to him as he shakes with his release, mouth parted silently, trying desperately to stay quiet. 

Julian strokes him through it, kissing at the top of his head and then tilting his face to meet his lips. Their mouths move slowly and softly together as Noel recovers with Julian all but holding him up. 

As they clean up Julian chortles and whispers, “Romance is not dead.” watching Noel grimace as he uses a few old cocktail napkins left lying around to wipe at his stomach. Noel erupts into giggles, leaning into Julian’s chest and kissing him one last time before they try to slide out of their hiding place without being seen. 

It’s quiet as the buzz of the night wears off in the cab on the way home. They’re sat too close with their legs pressed together. Behind his leather doctor bag on his lap Noel laces their fingers together and sighs when Julian squeezes back. He lets his head fall against his shoulder until they reach their street. 

When the cab pulls away Julian pins Noel in the entryway to his flat and takes his face in his hands, giving him a soft kiss.Their lips linger, just touching as they whisper good night, knowing it all means something else entirely. Noel chases Julian’s mouth as he pulls away. 

He watches him walk down the street to his own flat until he’s out of sight. 

_What a night this has been_ he thinks as he lets himself in, unzips his boots and makes his way to bed.

It is never enough, but it has to be. He’ll keep looking for it in the meantime.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Many thanks to Kateyboosh for conspiring, reading, rereading and supporting. <3


End file.
